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I’ve said it before and I’ll definitely be saying it again; dishwashers make me seethe. The invention is emblematic of our generation’s expectations of instant gratification, only (as is so often the case) the quest for easy living will always be undone by that same idleness which begat it. I know people who stack their dishwashers full of dirty plates encrusted with the dried and stuck on porridge or melted cheese of previous meals, creating a malodorous atmosphere in what should be a clean and hygienic environment.

So what happens at the end of the wash cycle? The machine is opened (invariably by myself) only to reveal burning hot plates, still covered in the crap with which they went in, only now the dirt has been sealed into the very porcelain and I have to spend the next 20 minutes washing everything again properly. Glasses are smeared with the remnants of last night’s Angel Delight, wine glasses tipple boiling water from their concave bases as I extract them, spilling down the front of my trousers making me look incontinent as I walk my son to school.

I could go on about individuals using up all the coffee cups in their bid to fill the machine instead of just re-using one cup with a quick rinse. I could go on about me being the only person who actually cleans the filter out or adds the salt or rinse aid. I could mention the double amount of stacking time in loading and unloading the machine on top of the under-tap pre-rinse which I do before filling the machine, the fact that its all too hot or wet to take out, that I can never get a cup of coffee without having to go into the stinking machine and wash one out.

I could mention better days when families washed up together in the kitchen and the conversations that were instigated. Anyway, today’s musical offering is inspired by the situation which brought about this diatribe and I was still bristling as I played.

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